7 biblical affirmations to prepare your heart for a hard conversation
The heart of the Gospel is reconciliation. Peace in our relationship with God. Every Christian is called to be a witness, in our words and in our lives, to this reality - that what’s broken, no matter how broken it is, can be repaired. Broken relationships can be redeemed.
Relationships in a fallen world are inevitably full of brokenness, but, by the grace of God, they can also be full of redemptive beauty. Peace is possible in our relationships! To get there is a hard road that often involves having hard conversations.
If you are willing to have hard conversations in the pursuit of peace, I want to encourage you and help equip you. Regardless of who it’s with, going into these conversations can feel scary and vulnerable. I’ve had many of these conversations in the last few years and they are never easy. But they can be so fruitful and, regardless of outcome, are worthwhile in the pursuit of peace. We can’t repair what we’re not willing to talk about.
The one thing that makes all the difference in the world during a hard conversation is humility.
The problem is this is not our natural posture! We tend to be either too-big or too-small. Humility is about being right-sized before both God and other people. Being rooted in and reminded of God’s Word before going into difficult conversations enables us to enter them with more humility.
Truthfully, we are foolish to enter into difficult conversations without preparing ourselves in this way. I have learned this the hard way. Peacemaking is the work of God’s Kingdom and the enemy desires to sabotage and exploit any attempts we might make in that direction. We need to be wise about how we go into difficult relationship territory and remind ourselves of what’s true - especially about ourselves, about the other person(s), and about God - so we don’t get thrown off course by what’s not true.
These are 7 biblical affirmations to prepare your heart for a hard conversation:
1. “I am valued by God. My worth and dignity come from Him.”
This is one of the most important truths we need to be grounded in going into any conversation. When we are secure in our worth and identity in Christ, a hateful look or belittling word during a hard conversation won’t have the same power. Our worth and our dignity, no matter how we are treated by another person, is never threatened. Even though it hurts when we experience hateful behavior from someone, we can be rooted in the reality that God so loves us He gave His only Son for us. This truth endures, no matter what another person says or how they treat us.
2. “This person is valued by God. They are not my ultimate enemy.”
This is the second most important truth we need to be grounded in going into any conversation. No matter what has transpired leading up to a conversation, the person or people sitting across from us are valued by God as we are. They are made in His image. God has compassion on them and wants them to know Him, and this should be our posture too. Our ultimate enemy is never flesh and blood - it is the spiritual powers and principalities that deceive people. When someone is behaving foolishly or wickedly, it’s because they are deceived. They don’t know what they’re doing. Remembering this can help us be faithful representatives of the God who is compassionate and forgiving, even to those hurting Him.
3. “I am a sinner saved by the grace of God alone, not by anything I’ve done.”
The Gospel gives us both every reason to be confident and zero excuse for being arrogant. Before going into a hard conversation, it’s a good idea to remember how much we’ve been forgiven for, including sins like the ones we may be wanting to address in the other person. We are not without sin and neither is the other person. We have had many sins overlooked in love. Knowing this, we should approach others with humility and gentleness. We should be ready to confess and repent of our role in a situation if the Spirit convicts our hearts. We should also be ready to forgive the sins of another and reconcile with them if they confess and repent.
4. “My understanding is limited. God may want to reveal something to me through this person’s perspective.”
Our understanding is limited, which is why we are commanded to not lean on it. Our personal perspective is not the whole picture. Remembering this encourages us to be quick to listen and slow to speak. The person in front of us may see things from a difficult angle, and may be positioned to help us see something more fully. Listening to others can help us grow in wisdom and understanding. At the very least, it is an opportunity to practice humility. If we go into difficult conversations with the assumption that we have nothing to learn, we may miss out on something good that God has for us.
5. “God is my Defender and Protector. I don’t have to be afraid.”
There are lots of moments during hard conversations where we may feel or be attacked or accused unfairly in some way. During these moments, we can be tempted to protect and defend ourselves out of insecurity or fear. When we remember that we are secure in God, we can show up more calmly and honestly. Rather than wall off or fight with worldly weapons that don’t actually work, we can overcome evil God’s way - with good - such as by being curious, showing compassion, or speaking the truth (even the vulnerable truth) in love. We don’t have to cower in fear, or puff ourselves up. We can remember that we are eternally loved, defended, and protected by Jesus.
6. “This can be repaired, and it doesn’t have to all happen today. God, not me, is the One who redeems.”
Reconciliation can happen in one conversation, but sometimes it doesn’t. God often works on a different timeline than we do. When what’s broken isn’t fully repaired in one conversation, we can look for evidence of movement towards repair - like more understanding or more honesty from either or both ends. Remembering that God is making all things new, that His work is ongoing, and that He is patient in the process can encourage us to be hopeful and patient in the areas of our relationships that are still messy and unresolved. We don’t have to (and can’t) strong-arm something into happening. We can’t force understanding or manufacture humility or repentance for someone else. But we can show up and seek to be faithful. We can be expectant for what God will do in one conversation, and trust Him with anything that remains unresolved.
7. “God is with me. I can ask Him for help at any time.”
We never go into battle alone. If we are stepping up to the task of pursuing peace, we can be assured that He is with us. We don’t have to depend on ourselves - on our own strength, wisdom and resources - during a hard conversation. At any point, if we feel overwhelmed or unsure of what to say or do next, we can turn to Him and ask Him for help. Truly, not doing this can be a recipe for disaster. Overwhelm is an opportunity to honestly and humbly depend on God. We can remember that He is present, ready to respond at any moment, and is faithful to give us exactly what we need - all we have to do is ask.
There you have it! I recommend speaking these 7 biblical affirmations over yourself leading up to and right before going into a hard conversation. We may feel nervous going into difficult conversations, but if we prepare our hearts and approach them wisely, we can be at peace, be hopeful, and by the grace of God, show up with some humility! Don’t forget to pray before, during, and after - constantly, as Paul would say. I can tell you from experience that the more grounded in God’s truth and aware of His presence you are, the better off you and everyone else in the conversation will be.
We can expect difficult conversations to be imperfect and messy to some degree - but as all of Scripture demonstrates, God can still use it mightily for His good purposes. Reconciliation is the heart of the Gospel! God desires that we be reconciled to others, but most of all, that we and they be reconciled to Him through faith in Jesus. Regardless of a conversation’s outcome, pursuing peace with others is a worthwhile pursuit and wisely preparing for it is an act of love. As C.S. Lewis once said, “Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest on reciprocity.”
